Wonder

I wonder if i even cross your mind as you go about your day, the way you've been running through mine.

I wonder if there's a part of you that feels the same way i do, wishing things turned out differently.

I wonder if you spend your nights worrying about me, if you even think of me at all.

I wonder if you feel even a tinge of regret about anything.

I wonder if you're going to follow through on the things you said.

I wonder if you want to see me as badly as i want to see you.

I wonder if i will have the courage to look you in the eyes again and not have the urge to cry or kiss you.

I wonder if you'd be able to see the pain in mine, and the emotions i can't express in words.

I wonder if you have to fight yourself from reaching out, the way i have to always fight myself from reaching out to you.

I wonder what will happen the next time we meet, if we ever see each other again.

It took one random moment that led to this, i wonder if it would take another one to make things right this time.

Words are powerful. If a poet's purpose is to evoke emotion, i wonder if i have fulfilled that.

If a writer's is to evoke thought, i wonder if i did that too.

I remember now why i used to prefer working nights, since the nights are when i was most vulnerable, facing and slaying my inner demons again and again. Nights were when i felt alone even when i wasn't. Nights were when i felt afraid and helpless, my thoughts in turmoil.

I wonder if you wake up in the middle of the night too with your heart racing, unsure why. I wonder if thoughts of us usher you into slumber the way it does mine. I wonder, i hope. I try to hang on to that childlike optimism that things will turn out fine. 🐻

Maybe I'll just keep wondering.

#randomrants